disorder

i can't keep thinking of this
disorder, this
sickness, my weakness,
obsession is thick.

you were silent and sweet
as your feet followed suit
as you walked in the room
and close locked the door.

the pushpin in my lips
pushed its way to your hips
and swallowed it all,
all the things i'd been holding.

the pushpin through my lips
found its way to your hips,
stayed silent and wishing.

this was all calculated,
a gameplan created
from knowing the knowledge
you'd read there before.

it's a book i should never have shown you
should have left its spine uncreased
and your spine unarched
and your page untouched

let someone else break you,
so i wouldn't be broken.