normal

I see you all around me
You are strangers with masks
Molded copies of your face
And there is beauty,
Even in false representation.

I see the world going around
You are newfound vertigo
Rolling eyes in my head
And there is oxygen,
Even without air.

Cocktails

I have been chewing on your lip
Tasting bitter flakes of skin
And a salty sunrise in the east

I have been chewing on filters
Tasting arsenic and cancer
Lacing cotton between teeth

These words are grotesque plastic
Melting as a twisted conversation
Their shape is madness and rhythm
Their stems are thick and I sharpen my teeth

I have been chewing on your lip
And I taste dirty tavern floors
A cocktail of dust and blood.

Receipts

All I have are receipts
Tucked into pockets
Framing moments and the in-between
I wear clothing to match
And keep my eyelids tattooed open

I have lost your scent
So I crawl under the table
Searching for plastic reminders
With a hazy drunken wish
For you to meet me on the floor
In our vacuum of irises and apologies
and our own inevitable grey
I've built a fort the color of sunrise,
like postmortem veins pumped free of blood.

raven

If Van Gogh can sever his ear and still create

Who am I to think I cannot blindly make

Something disgusting and selfish

Covered in blood and bile

Held out to you as a cat brings a dead raven

Or digs a hidden tell-tale heart

To lay at your feet and wait for praise.

ex nihilo

There was nothing to lose

And nothing to gain

And nothing is nothing

And nothing has changed

I gave nothing to you

And you must have done the same

While I stared at the sun

You called on your wind

And swept me away

split between

In my dream
I watch you slip from your ladder
I wet the rungs with honesty
and grey salt for your wounds
I watch understanding fill your eyes 

as I bite your fingernails to flesh

When there is nothing to grip the soft wood
of your boring perfection
I will be the gravity that pulls you
not to salvation
not to damnation
not to happiness
but to the impact of the words you dared to speak

The spine you claim to have
will split between love and distraction

#selfish

This bottle is my own

And I thank the clouds above me

That I am selfish and cowardly

This ribbon stays tight

Around my finger

And I chase your voice with whiskey

There is a timbre in my chest

That reminds me of you

It smells of Pixie dust and loathing

There is a drawing on my shelf

That was made by your hand

And it shows your moth

meeting my flame.

heredity

Like father, like son

Homeless and wandering

Retreating to known

And eschewing the rest

Like father, like son

We are tangled fibers

Of drugged decisions

And paralyzing doubt

Like father, like son

I drink and run

While he sits and sinks

And we both stay still

Like father, like son

I replace synapse with smoke

Pack a few clothes

And leave home

Like father, like son

We look at the ruin

Shrug our shoulders

And meet in the valley

Away from the sun.

Blind

I stare at every car that passes
I wait for what I do not want to see
I sweat blood mixed with sin
And the sidewalk bucks and spins

I watch each spinning wheel
From behind drunken slurs
My throat is full of smoke
And shards of deceitful mirrors

I thank the sky above that I am blind
Without these mirror pieces pressed against my eyes
I pray to no one and nothing
But I am bound by the same fate
Rejected years ago

I hate the state you tainted
I hate the words we spoke

Remember ruin

I made a promise I couldn't keep
As my blood ran grey
As I clung to the valley
And it burned with the dawn

I promised both worlds,
Their best and worst
To keep the flames
Behind tattooed lines

I promised a sunrise,
Harmless at most
To flood the sky,
And blind our ghosts

When the last strips of dawn
Shattered the ridge
The flames and ghosts ignited
No promise kept, or choice maintained
My blood burned out and faded away.